I started this over a year ago now, and already i dont recognise the person that i used to be. Life is so much harder, and brighter, and more painful now. It's like being born i guess, you come out of something muffled and protected into the cold bright loud world and its scary.I feel like i'm now open to pain and hurt, but that i have freedom and experience.It's hard.Harder than i thought it would be, I've learnt that as soon as you experience wonderful things there is always the danger that they can be taken away from you, and then that loss will cripple you because you can no longer remember what life was like BEFORE.

Everything kind of divides into BEFORE and AFTER.BEFORE so and so was in my life, i wasn't happy, blah blah etc...then they happen and everything is wonderful. But before you know it comes the AFTER.And you just can't go back to BEFORE.

I'm beginning to learn some new lessons, but they hurt. I never wanted to find out that love isn't always enough to keep people together, and i especially never wanted to learn it the hard way. I never wanted to learn that i couldnt hide from things forever. i never wanted to realise how much i need my parents. I never wanted to feel bad for taking them for granted. I never wanted to learn that people who can count their true friends on one hand are lucky. I never wanted to be the one feeling lonely and left behind. I never wanted to learn that maybe i might need people.

I never ever wanted to learn that I depend on someone other than me. I never wanted to learn that i needed someone